Adventure, Coy Bo, Croy Buhco, Philosophy, prose, Surrealism, Uncategorized

Whose Expression is this?

Add Some Context

I do not think my life is like a movie. Movies are nice little chunks of well said things ending in some type of resolution (if they are done right), and life is hardly so.

Edits: made this piece less melodramatic

Animated by (Who?)

Whose gait do I emulate, and how carefully chosen are my words in the style of another?

yes, okay.
yeah, that works.

I am not comfortable again today, in solidarity I guess,
rather than from necessity.

sure, I’m in.
that’s perfect.

I type lol in response to something funny.
I’m not even smiling.

what am I doing?

I feel dizzy when I stand up, my muscles aching.

I drag myself across town towards the possibility of a cigarette.
my lungs can’t take much more at this point, but I don’t want to be hungry right now.

and if I close my eyes, I will keep pouring over my dream. not a sad or scary dream, yet a lost love that might have been. she acts awkward to me at a bonfire on the beach. And that was all.

it seems realistic.
which would make me cry if I thought about it too long.

so I jump out of my sleepy haze before I can, onto the street, on my board, slamming my foot on the pavement in long swells to carve away from my current thought pattern. i pass an intersection without checking both ways. I trust that would be the reality of our next meeting (if there ever is one), I dream us into awkwardness, instead of the needlessly romantic and unreal fantasies that my waking brain prefers.

she presses her chest and arms against mine into a dip in a wall, browsing around for onlookers, then, finding nobody, she turns her gaze to me, through my eyes, and into my soul. her arms fold at the elbow so that she can run her arms over my ribs.

oh, my ribs are showing. I haven’t eaten well in months. in solidarity, I guess. or lack of sympathy for myself. an acceptance of being uncomfortable… I open my eyes, and my mental picture of her evaporates.

I don’t waste my time on these thoughts. as in, they are not a waste of time. my chest burns even as I convince my self of their invalidity. I know how unlikely they are, given my history. I don’t write OUR history, because we don’t have one. her story probably has little or nothing to do with me. I am not. at least to her. I think.

and yet that time thinking of her is not wasted, I seek this feeling over all others. it is what keeps my fire burning, and that tantalizing thought (or possibility) makes me jump from danger, when I would otherwise let myself be stricken by it. that passion keeps my core warm, and keeps me feeding fuel to the flesh vehicle I inhabit.

I would not do myself harm, yet in this mood I would not go far out of my way to avoid it. what’s the difference? my body is usually sore from lack of nutrition, and I am rarely touched. I’m miles from where I started, yet nowhere. Breathe. I’m okay. I let my wheels find the easiest downhill and my thoughts fold into my body’s weaving motion. Then I see a pretty girl on the street. my troubles are gone for a moment. attempting to show off a bit, I slam hard onto the pavement. oofh. that’s reality for you. I get a cigarette from an onlooker, gotta get to the park, and get okay. off I go. I walk much farther than it seems I could have possibly come while cruising downhill through my mind.

I trudge uphill. ages pass, and I lose track of time. whatever, I tell my aches, “tough shit, we’re going.” and through city blocks that stretch, as an endless desert may expand out, horizontally, halucinogenically, in some Lovecraftian horror, until I arrive, parched.

I assume a water source. Then assure it.

at this sanctuary, a normal city park, I try to explain to a friend (who is consoling me, though not by trade), sometimes wiping quiet tears from my face. I’ve promised myself the counter cultural relief of showing grief in public. yet, under the condition that it does not interupt my vision, and does not make a sound. A young white man. I really can’t complain. so I don’t. I store it up inside, and it would rot my core. instead, I’ve decided to let it out where I can. and take anonymity whenever possible. Although, it’s not exactly a choice in the end.

I think she makes good choices in life, and I let my understanding of who she is, animate my actions and words, in the hopes that I will be able to make those types of choices too.

under such (unconscious) scrutiny of her personality, she starts to appear in my behavior. I emulate her, perhaps on accident, or in a moment I’ll be struck with a vision of her facial expression on my face. and I let myself be her. such grace and elegance in her long strides, and such hope in her brow. As if anything can be worked out in the end. that’s me walking, and I get a bit of a kick knowing it’s just how she does it.

I may not see this woman ever again. and that may be her loss, as well as mine. but the knowing smile i borrow from her is the best Ive got for now, and that’ll have to do.

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8/17-18/2018

Hartman’s Rocks, West of Gunnison

 

8:52 AM

Last night, I slept at the side of the road. County Road 58 if I remember correctly. It was dark already. At the Wapiti Ridge Saloon, I spent $8 on alcohol and tipped $2. It seems to me like a socializing opportunity that costs money. I paid a guy $10 to talk to me while serving me a beer and a cowboy fizz. It also made it okay to borrow the bar’s piano for a few songs.

Also, I could say I was the last none out of the bar on a slow night. Jeff was a cool bartender.

[This is an unfinished thought before I fell into a deep sleep]

8/18 Still at Hartman’s Rocks

5:28 AM

I spent the whole day resting yesterday. I slept on a rock under trees. I remember writing the last entry while drinking cider. That6 was just the napping stage. I walked on to find more perfect trees where I’m currently resting.

To get here, I had to walk the main highway west toward Lake City. I had to circle the Gunnison airport, walk down a residential road which was home to two cops, walk through a part of a golf course, climb a steep wall, and lastly make a traverse that followed the river upstream.

5:55 AM

Just about bright enough to start my walk, but I want to stay.

7:13 AM

I made the walk. I got groceries.

  • Apples x 2
  • Bananas x 2
  • Greek yogurt x2

$6.24

IN RETROSPECT

I would say that these were the finest hours of my time in Colorado. This is what I came here to do. I had to hike over an hour and take a bus from Gunnison to Crested Butte 30 miles up the 135. Some people think I live a rough life residing in the woods. I think I get more benefits living like this. I have a rocking body nowadays. I don;t smell good on a daily basis though.

Colorado’s towns seem to have larger borders that split them from national forest lands. In Alaska, I could walk away from work and in just a few minutes, I could put my bag down and make my home for the night.

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Leaving the Mountains

8/24/18 Gunnison, CO

5:58 AM

I wait for my Greyhound at the Econolodge. There are 7 other people waiting here.

I’m early because I overestimated the size of this town.

I left Amelia a note saying thanks for everything. It’s on her fridge among her butterfly magnets.

8:31 AM

Still over 100 miles to Denver. The roads going through these mountains are refreshing. I see rivers too. I get to see where I want to play when I come back soon.

  • Browns Canyon
  • San Isabel

11:30 AM

In that bus ride,  I decided that I will someday make it to Detroit. I met a little old lady named Ruth. She gave me an apple and I thanked her. We told each other about our lives.

She kept telling me I have the same smile as her only grandson that had any melanin in him since her family has trace blood from Polynesia.

She also gave me a business card to a gym called Detroit Body Garage.

I’ve had an almost unconditional objection to living in a city. That may or may not has changed because of Ruth’s way of describing Detroit. It’s possible for young people to make it in Detroit. They’re all flocking there. Whether they have Bohemian values and want to create an artist’s Utopia, or not, they are making a nice community out of nothing. That city was falling apart and it created an opportunity for Bohemians and entrepreneurs to take their chances.

I remember a conversation with a man wiser than myself. In a small town that we both inhabited, we knew it was so easy to make connections with people and it was all so real. In a big city, we’re surrounded by a sea of people but it’s never that easy to see people for what they really are. I think we tend to put on this facade in the presence of others. I unlearned the art of putting on a facade when I left the city.

12:13 PM Denver, CO

My bus is supposed to leave 2 minutes from now, and it’s not even here yet. I’m not worried though. I’m in no rush, free of obligations. An outsider wherever I go, especially in this Greyhound station where many vagrants reside. I’m a vagrant too, but I move around more often than most of the ones that choose to live in Greyhound stations.

5:55 PM Glenwood Springs, CO

This stretch of highway is great. Exit 119 is a no name exit. I have to go back here.

  • Hanging Lake
  • Grizzly Creek

5:03 PM

The bus has pulled into a gas station. I see two Utah plates here. We must be getting close.

There’s an Arizona man I met at the Denver station that’s getting off the bus right here. He had an ukulele and all this jewelry he had made out of sea shells and stones he’d found everywhere.

He sang me a song of his. It was about his long lost love. Maybe this is the episode in his life where he’s living in a Marshall Tucker Band song called Can’t You See. I know I’ve had my phase.

This man will be referred to as the Textbook Hippy

7:57 PM CO -> UT

I’ll see you again Colorado. You’ve been good to me.

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8/22/18

National Forest Land outside of Crested Butte, CO

7:27 AM

To get to this site or non-site, you have to walk on the upper lower loop trails. Keep an eye out for the brown porta-potty. Look for the last house up Slate Rd. Wait till you’re standing to make an equilateral triangle with those two objects. Start walking up the hill. That’s where I had my hammock for 3 days.

All I’ve done here is think, sleep, sing, and smoke. I’ve also realized that Bohemia is a state of mind that I can’t quite abandon anytime soon.

7:38 AM

I’m putting my boots on over these blue socks that I acquired from an old lover of mine. I remember that I have to write her and tell her that I only smell slightly better than I did the last time I was with her.

Crested Butte Library

11:24 AM

I have purchased my Greyhound bus ticket. I’ll be leaving for Los Angeles this Friday at 6:15 in the morning.

1:05 PM

From The End of America: Letter of Warning to a Young Patriot by Naomi Wolf: “Mussolini studied Lenin; Hitler studied Mussolini; Stalin studied Hitler; Chinese communist leaders studied Stalin…”

I have only read Lenin. I also studied some Lennon. I think I’d rather be the Walrus. Or not be the Walrus? Agh. Fuck it dude.

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revoluzione, Uncategorized

Archi Typos

Author: Private Privjet


Disclaimer

,

    you are technically mentally ill if you

  • write unbounded poetry,
  • want independence,
  • want to test boundaries,
  • make references,
  • make others feel uncomfortable.
  • unless you:

  • consider the source of YOUR information,
  • leave your comfort zone and progress


Under the original criteria from the (very recently updated/update-able) DSM 5, I must declare the contradiction of being classified as Mentally ill (when I’m really just Sick AF).

YOU would have to be crazy to think normal now, couldn’t look abnormal given the wrong context. Or for example, if your proof of concept was taken to be a final draft, when your viewers DO NOT register as hits.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/mar/11/pronunciation-errors-english-language

“How is it possible for such a small group to rule billions?”

Actually, that is not probable in any system. In order for a group to have the ability to take care of their own needs, they must individually be capable and self sufficient. Most of America’s super rich kids rely on their money to pay professionals to take care of their needs for them, hence the artisans of any/every field retain the last say. In this sense, mutiny is the rule rather than the exception. Those that demand power will eventually alienate those with the skill and means to acquire it.

“The enforcement of statism does not come from the state, but rather from [our] fellow slaves.
The government manifests as hierarchical, but it is in fact horizontal.
Social attack on ideas, not jail time, keep people in line.”
-Stefan Molyneux

Fuck it, let’s start a country

Where is this oppression apparent?
Al Bet Change Doesn’t Effect Future Generations Having Imagination.
Just Kidiots Letting Miracle Notions Over Power Questionable Reality.

Serious Truth & Un-Variable Words X-cite You
Should Learn to read between the lines.
http://www.mrc-cbu.cam.ac.uk/people/matt.davis/cmabridge/

i

If only words talked,
Typos would tick.
I no one
I’mbodied mynd.
I M U.
O yes you.
I’magiNation.

Archetypos
form from
every i
putting every u
into A same pattern.

Carl young,
A sage,
is said to
have had
mydea
about boxes.
h U mans tend
to categorize
Hmanus using
smybolic
care actors.

The Self
is deceptively
younique.
In factuallity,
to others,
U r without 1.

U

I turn a blind I
to your god
I am wrong,
U see.
God is a clever metaphor
the amalgamation of every
perception
and intuition
and instinct
and insight
and interpretation
except I can’t perceive
and extend
and expect
and existentialize
and express
yours.
instead, my god explains
that even if i can’t reach u,
You may be reached by me.
combining meta
for all your i’s
from mine.

The Aenima/us
I’s trusually ignored,
unless Footballerinas
cross genderlines.

A

The Shadow

V

The Persona

0n Calamity 1n Teh Net

Ignorance is Blisstering

I’d like to find love.
I don’t realize.
I tried to learn to teach.
I make mistakes.
I basically live in a cave.
Many years of sitting in chairs
have had their troll on me.
I wanted freedom, so I left school.

“I trip to make the fall shorter,
fall quarter was just a tall order.”

Rap Musician

My brain was outstanding,
but I should not be taken serious.
I’ve seen quite a few stoops in my day,
I can tell from the way they pick them selves apart.
Constructing some self-destructive criticism.
The story changes in the telling,
Yet it was written.
I wrote therefore you read.
I was square rooted, O round earth.
“What If U and I were just letters?”

Rap Musician

Some simple symbol like the sun
may shine light on holy shit.
gotta let god no your sins.
I’lluminate prozac prophets.
Collecting favour for one day,
may obscure present flavour.
“What’s better than tripping,
Is falling in love.”

Rap Musician

Symbiotic realationships
depend on independence.
Bo Di an My nd.
Dy nam i Bo nd.
If it is meant to be,
It’s never not.
“Nothing is everything,
With a twist.”

SciFi Author

The first true love that
folded at the lightest touch
“The Self can be seen in

popular culture as a circle.”

Psycholgist/Philosopher

I’m O?
Ohm.
R u 1?
I know 0ne isnt zer
0h
“Everybody’s somebody’s everything,
Nobody’s Nothing at all”

Rap Musician

There’s a little
yin in my yang.
“What’s good good,
and what’s good evil?”

Rap Musician

Overly zealous adults are
Understandably jealous.
Love is lesser than three,
until pro-lifers defetus.
Mary had a little affair,
a bastard, and a lame divorce.
John Snow Son of Jane doe.
God spoke to John.
Is my voice in your head?
I can read in yours.
Is your choice in my best?
To each his own.
Learn yourself.
I was in Uh-merica where it
Is lam to di et no pork.
Corn you copy me?
I ham thourough.
You are what you eat.
I eat therefore I am.
The moral of this story is morale.
The last thing I want is more alpha.
I’m looking for balance.

0utstand1nvesting

What’s a scarce metal
without our desire?
I want to live forever.
Mummified cryo froze
eating honey and
money bags up
till i’m put down.
Or worse, poison passed.
I quit tobacco until
I felt myself slickly
falling into sickness.
scheming one eyed smoke
signals. American Spirit.
I’ve seen the red hand
alongside the white man walking.
the conflict based culture
which has no more opponents
must consume itself.
Ragnarok.
floundering man you fact sured
be leafs.
Gather your vivacious investments
with spices and natural preserves.
The king likes coffee,
but he doesn’t like t.
Seething healing remedies,
remember heavenly melodies?
“throw your diamonds in the sky.
The rock is still alive
if you feel the vibe.”

~Kanye West

“Get your game on,
Go play.”

Alternative Rock Musicians

Games motivate.
locomotion works.
Down to brass tax,
Transportation is oil.

-Ayn Rand

Black gold stand offs cause
caustic pollution in perception
of value in a population.
please allow me to placate your
fallacious following of the leader.

I’ve seen
the red hand
and the white man
walking together once again.

“You don’t get high
on your own supply.”

-Biggie

The Hypo-principal

God is Love and
Love is real.
It’s just that real is fake
I know one isn’t o
Classic a-b-c-e-d-ucation
can F with people’s heads.
I no A isn’t B.
I know every A must Be
And every B must be ed you k shunned
This Alpha Beat needs to change.
l-m-n-o school disorders.
“The definition of ADHD is really
a collection of behaviours that annoy
teachers and require attention.”

M.D. psychiatrist

High school was an apt name for it.
Maybe I’m Just a Kidiot,
or maybe amphetamines halt organ development,
when used repetitively by children.
Adult Babies may exist in crea singl y large numbers
May be my nd yo ur p’s and q’s.
By dogma, teachers shouldn’t shun educats.
Instructors should illuminate requested material.
Pyramids are only half the battle.
“Every Need’s Got an Eagle to feed.”

Reggae Musician

medical students steady study in a stressed stupor.
Information controls are incoming.
A large scale public uplift in liberty outgoing.
We traded freedom for safety.
“The faster We’re falling,
We’re stopping and stalling.
We’re running in circles again.”

Alternative Rock Musicians

Discipline, standards, and norms rationalize de-humanization.
The reference librarian Christains in rome were persecuted,

Some famous Speech from an Economist

The internet anarchocapitalists will have been prosecuted in America,
If they can manage to save the human race.
i know won is not zero.

Oppression Depression

“Across many cultures all over the world,
women are much more likely to suffer from depression than men are.
Taking into account that men are less likely to seek help,
it is estimated that women are twice as likely to suffer from depression.”

Instructor of psychology

Americans are desensitized to atrocities
done outside their direct environment.
They will even deliver lethal shocks,
if someone credible accepts the responsibility.

Some Famous psychology study

Oppression invariably makes its way into
the individual lives of all,
when all individuals divide themselves by nothing.
separated from balance, life becomes evil.
When no master knows the fortitude of discomfort,
and no slave gets the fruit of harvest,
Everyone will become zero.
Instead of u becoming wii,
we becomes me.
Icing on the cake doesn’t mean
it’s not a lie.
Halloween candy lead to
coffee in the morning,
alcohol at night,
Tobacco, and marijuana.

dependence on a
Biology is mixing with technology: Intellegenics.
Information unveils value from objects: the GOOD.
Subjectively choose something, and supply it: revere.
Repeat to others what I have passed you: 3rd person.
“I Wore my jacket as a cape, and my umbrella as a cane.
The richest Man Rocks the Snatchless necklace.”

Rap Musician

Speak not, but outside word worlds: ethereal eyes.
You’re a world within a world: ah, Live.
Inter-related echelons of organisms: systems.
clear my lens of Bro Culture.
A lively woman facebooked me how old I was: 21.
I’ve seen “Spineless bitches in backless dresses.”

Rap Musician

I started with I wouldn’t buy her alcohol or marijuana.
She told me about her gluten allergy.
Vicious and empty poison passing.
These meaningless assumptions blink.
I said it without thinking.
I didn’t realize.
“People that’s big now used to get little in the dark.”

Rap Musician

I’ve wanted in on older kid’s inside references.
Outraged, I couldn’t stand to not understand.
It makes sense hierarchically to confuse competition.
I became that which I always hated.
“it’s all good now, we’re all little kids at heart.”

Rap Musician

Ok, belated relief accumulates.
Nothing’s not over till it is.
It’s never knot.
Every idiot is it.
i didn’t Real ii.
“I am playing the game,
the one that will take me to my end.”

Psychedelic Trance Musicians

Couch surfing new-jew.
Fire archy split.
If a tree falls in the ForEx, does it make a pip?
Foreign Exchange currencies more plentiful than stocks.
news is just on the other side of the camera.
I know to eye jack seesawing another dimension.

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Non Thinking

I should write when this happens to me, too! No additional thoughts needed :p

Scribblings of an Acid Mind

It is currently 11:07 pm. I find myself having the sleeping space I share with my husband empty. All this full size mattress space to myself? Boo-yah! It should be peaceful, I can lay there and let visualizations form, cuddle with my adorable Sol puppy…. I’ll be still…. and not even seconds later my mind is flooded with thoughts. Intrusive, infiltrating my own personal Nirvana. I end up furrowing my brow, agitated by their presence.

I see words when they are “spoken” in my mind. They float like sentences in front of a black canvas-back drop and if I speak long enough, it turns into a paragraph. I often reply to the questions my brain will ask me, conversation or arguments ensue, the paragraph transforms into an entire page of a booklet. Keeping me awake for what feels like forever as seconds roll into minutes.

It’s rare when I find…

View original post 532 more words

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Philosophy, revoluzione, Uncategorized

Income Elite, Revolutions, Science, and Specialization

Best read while listening to Psychedelic Trance

INCOME INEQUALITY

Differences between the “ruling class” and the “rest of us” have an incredily bad effect on one, and a bad affect on the other. Even the people at the top of unequal societies are less healthy on average than those near at the top of equal societies.

(check out the video we watched for our SWEET blog posts here).

WHY HASN’T AMERICA REVOLTED YET?

Revolution is the collective discontent of enough individuals who drive a complete social and monetary upheaval. This is more or less an inevitability, if we look back in history. It’s impossible to preordain the straw that broke the camel’s back, but are we overdue? What structural factors make America revolt? Check out this TED Talk about conditions of societal collapse. Problems like those that Wilkonson (from the video you didn’t watch) presents destabilizing the populous.

WHAT DO I ALWAYS WRITE ABOUT ON THIS BLOG?

(How the hell would you know? Check out my first post here.)

YOU PROBABLY DON’T KNOW, DAMNIT.

So let me brief you. Ideology itself is a constantly morphing attitude towards something we don’t, haven’t, and by the strictest standards, will never fully understand. That doesn’t mean you should become a defeatist, though, just a realist. There are limits and parameters for  everything that you do. But you can change and impact the world! Ideology is just a parsimonious way to self-assume ignorance, irrationality, and/or subjectivity.

YOU ARE NOT IN A DREAM.

It’s important to understand your very real effect on everyone, even the most seen members of society. You change the outcome of, for example, a sports game by making a physical appearance to the game. You can also
change an entire sport team’s season just  through facebook, twitter, or other social media. It’s a societal application of the observer principal, as we’ve seen in the field of quantum physics (and thus, you altered it):

Originally seen on the UAF SWEET Blog

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